Title: Untrainable
Author: Jamie Schlosser
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Release Date: December 13, 2018
Blurb
It doesn’t take much to become the laughing stock of reality
television. Just ask Theodore “Theo-Dog” Legend. Once you’ve pissed on a fire
hydrant in front of the paparazzi, no one ever lets you forget it.
television. Just ask Theodore “Theo-Dog” Legend. Once you’ve pissed on a fire
hydrant in front of the paparazzi, no one ever lets you forget it.
Hadley Holiday is on her way to being America’s sweetheart, thanks to
her dog training routine on a national talent show. Although she didn’t win
first prize, she snagged Theo’s attention and he’ll do just about anything to
make her his—even if it means being the butt of everyone’s joke once again.
her dog training routine on a national talent show. Although she didn’t win
first prize, she snagged Theo’s attention and he’ll do just about anything to
make her his—even if it means being the butt of everyone’s joke once again.
Hadley wants a career in showbiz. Theo needs to get rid of that doggone
nickname—pun intended. Pairing the two together on a new show sounds like a
disaster waiting to happen... or it could be the best thing that’s ever
happened to them.
nickname—pun intended. Pairing the two together on a new show sounds like a
disaster waiting to happen... or it could be the best thing that’s ever
happened to them.
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Excerpt
“Okay. Change of plans—pie first,
cleaning later. I get weepy when I’m hanky.”
cleaning later. I get weepy when I’m hanky.”
“Hanky?” Theo
followed me to the kitchen.
followed me to the kitchen.
“It’s a
portmanteau.” Walking over to the table, I removed the foil from the dish.
Steam billowed up, carrying the heavenly scent of apples and cinnamon with it.
portmanteau.” Walking over to the table, I removed the foil from the dish.
Steam billowed up, carrying the heavenly scent of apples and cinnamon with it.
“I’m sorry, a
what?” Sounding utterly confused, Theo went over to a small white coffee maker
next to the sink and punched a button. It sputtered for a few seconds before
the aroma filled the room.
what?” Sounding utterly confused, Theo went over to a small white coffee maker
next to the sink and punched a button. It sputtered for a few seconds before
the aroma filled the room.
He grabbed two
mismatching mugs from the cabinet. Setting them down, he leaned back against
the counter while he waited for me to explain.
mismatching mugs from the cabinet. Setting them down, he leaned back against
the counter while he waited for me to explain.
“Blending two words
to make one,” I said. “Hungry and cranky equals hanky.”
to make one,” I said. “Hungry and cranky equals hanky.”
“Isn’t the term
‘hangry?’”
‘hangry?’”
“No, I don’t think
that fits. I don’t get mad,” I clarified. “Just irritable.”
that fits. I don’t get mad,” I clarified. “Just irritable.”
“It’s kinda like my
nickname, huh? Putting Theodore and dog together.”
nickname, huh? Putting Theodore and dog together.”
“Yeah, kind of like
that.” I grimaced because he obviously wasn’t a fan of the combination. “I’m
sure whoever came up with that thought they were being very clever.”
that.” I grimaced because he obviously wasn’t a fan of the combination. “I’m
sure whoever came up with that thought they were being very clever.”
“They probably got
promoted.”
promoted.”
“Probably.”
“Well, I’m feeling
mighty humpy myself.” When he said the word ‘humpy’, I could’ve sworn I saw his
pelvis do a slight thrust.
mighty humpy myself.” When he said the word ‘humpy’, I could’ve sworn I saw his
pelvis do a slight thrust.
I almost fell over.
“Excuse me?”
“Excuse me?”
He sent me a grin
that did funny things to my stomach. “Portmanteau. Hungry and grumpy. Humpy.”
that did funny things to my stomach. “Portmanteau. Hungry and grumpy. Humpy.”
That was
inappropriate but also correct. I couldn’t knock him for coming up with his own
word, even if it did draw my attention to his groin.
inappropriate but also correct. I couldn’t knock him for coming up with his own
word, even if it did draw my attention to his groin.
I tried to force
myself to look away from his lower half, but it was really difficult.
myself to look away from his lower half, but it was really difficult.
Because now that I
wasn’t scrutinizing his living quarters, my thoughts went elsewhere: straight
to the gutter.
wasn’t scrutinizing his living quarters, my thoughts went elsewhere: straight
to the gutter.
The gray fabric of
his pants stretched over his crotch, and he probably wasn’t wearing underwear
because I could see a very distinct outline of his dick.
his pants stretched over his crotch, and he probably wasn’t wearing underwear
because I could see a very distinct outline of his dick.
I didn’t mean to
stare at it, but it was just right there.
Out in the open. And alarmingly large. It was like spotting
a rare animal in the wild. The thing practically needed its own Australian
accented voiceover.
stare at it, but it was just right there.
Out in the open. And alarmingly large. It was like spotting
a rare animal in the wild. The thing practically needed its own Australian
accented voiceover.
Inexperienced as I
was when it came to actual sex, I wasn’t completely innocent. I knew what a
semi-erect penis looked like. The length of it rested against his thigh and the
definition of the thick head was impressive.
was when it came to actual sex, I wasn’t completely innocent. I knew what a
semi-erect penis looked like. The length of it rested against his thigh and the
definition of the thick head was impressive.
I swallowed hard.
“Hey.” Theo’s voice
startled me, and my eyes snapped up to his.
startled me, and my eyes snapped up to his.
My cheeks were on
fire. I’d been caught, and I wanted nothing more than to sink under the table
and hide.
fire. I’d been caught, and I wanted nothing more than to sink under the table
and hide.
“Hi,” I squeaked,
lowering myself into the chair.
lowering myself into the chair.
“Let’s just blame
the rough start to the day on low blood sugar. Deal?”
the rough start to the day on low blood sugar. Deal?”
Well, that wasn’t
what I’d expected him to say, but it was a lot better than him calling me out
for eye-balling his junk.
what I’d expected him to say, but it was a lot better than him calling me out
for eye-balling his junk.
“Deal,” I
responded. Then for my own benefit, I added the reminder, “I’m looking forward
to being coworkers and friends.”
responded. Then for my own benefit, I added the reminder, “I’m looking forward
to being coworkers and friends.”
His left eyebrow
arched on the word ‘friends.’
arched on the word ‘friends.’
Dang it. Maybe he
did see me checking him out after all.
did see me checking him out after all.
For the sake of my
sanity, I really hoped he was planning to wear jeans for the show. And maybe
some underwear with crotch-confining support. Like a girdle, but for penises.
sanity, I really hoped he was planning to wear jeans for the show. And maybe
some underwear with crotch-confining support. Like a girdle, but for penises.
Author Bio
Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by
cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return
to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days
running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves
her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.
cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return
to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days
running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves
her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.
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