I’d Rather Wear Pajamas
by Chelsea Walker Flagg
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GENRE: Humor/Memoir
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BLURB:
Everybody has the awesome opportunity to find their own strength and path
through life. Some come about their self-discoveries through studying and
working hard. Others (Chelsea) spend their time nearly burning down kitchens
and driving around the country with a car full of hangers.
Chelsea grew up wanting to be “strong.” She thought arguing her way through
childhood and becoming a world-class attorney would get her there. But, through
a series of humorous, and only slightly embarrassing events, Chelsea comes to
realize that maybe her strength is meant to shine in different ways.
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Excerpt One:
I think the real reason I’ve always longed to be viewed as
strong is because I’ve never been able to do a single pushup in my entire life.
Not a single one. As if gym class isn’t painful enough for every student ever;
throw in that little nuance and you’ve got yourself a recipe for ridicule and
embarrassment. I’d walk into those dreaded gym periods like I was walking the
green mile to my death. The absolute worst was when that splintery rope would
be hanging down from the ceiling, taunting me with the realization that it was
rope climbing day. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those days couldn’t
have been painful for just me. You stand in the lineup of students all waiting
their turn while watching the poor sucker on the rope trying to scramble his
way at least two inches off the floor. You contemplate ways to make yourself
sick in order to get a free pass to the nurse’s office, but then it’s too late
and it’s your turn. You pray that you don’t have a hole in your pants as you mount
the rope. And then you get nervous. You get really nervous. Which means that
you start spontaneously passing insane amounts of gas—while trying to climb the
rope—with all your classmates down wind. I’m getting gassy just thinking about
it. Blurb 2
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AUTHOR Bio and Links:
Chelsea was
once obsessed with cats, longed to live in a big city, didn't think she would
ever have children, and aspired to be an attorney. She now lives in Boulder,
Colorado as a stay-at-home mom and comedic writer with her husband and three
daughters. She has no current plans to own a cat.
Chelsea Walker
Flagg Social Media Links
Book links: The book will be $0.99 during the tour.
That Time When I Lied to
My Mom and Told Her I Was Going to a Party
I’ve always been that nerdy girl. You know, the one who stands
up in front of her third grade class unprompted and asks if she can read them
the story she wrote? Just like she did the week before week, and the week
before that, and the twenty weeks before that. I mean, when you’re a
natural-born creative genius, who can blame you? I wrote such masterpieces as Sharks in the Toilet, wherein a small
boy finds a shark named Spike in his toilet and begs to take him to
show-and-tell.
The Mystery of the
Puffballs was another big hit, where a couple of little sleuth girls try to
reveal why all the town’s cats have disappeared and, in their place, a bunch of
puffballs with four legs start walking around. Turns out (spoiler alert), some
bad guy was throwing all the cats into a dryer to create puffballs. It’s a real
page-turner.
And, I’ll never forget the time when I made up new lyrics to
Billy Joel’s classic, We Didn’t Start the
Fire. It was a tale all about doing the laundry. The words went,“We didn’t
start the bubbles. They were always poppin‘ but we’re trying to stop ‘em.”
Genius, no?
In middle school, while other girls were sneaking different,
more scandalous outfits into their backpacks to change into after they left
their house each morning, I was instead smuggling extra library books into my
bag. I was a rebel. When my parents told me it was time to stop reading and to
go play outside, I scowled and sulked into the sunshine to find my way under a
tree to continue writing whatever my latest story was.
In high school, a big assignment during our Sophomore year was
simply called Big Chief. Did anyone
else do that? I have no idea if it was a whole nation thing, or limited to just
our school. Either way, they don’t do it anymore because of political
correctness something or another. There were these notebooks that were
literally called Big Chiefs because
they had a picture of an Indian Chief on them. We were required to fill 17
pages of our Big Chiefs each week. I should stop saying that as to not upset
the political correctness patrol team.
Most students loathed writing in their BCs, but I simply couldn’t get enough.
Oftentimes, I didn’t stop at my obligatory 17 pages a week. I’d smugly hand my
BC in weighing in at a hefty 30 plus pages full.
When my parents encouraged me to go to parties and to be a
normal teenager, I would dutifully head to my car. But instead of driving to
the party, I’d head straight to the nearest Barnes and Noble to skim the newest
releases.
And that’s why, 20 years later, it only makes sense that I’ve
fully immersed myself into this life as a published author to my new funny
memoir
I’d Rather Wear Pajamas.
What doesn’t make sense is, why did it take me so long to get here?
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GIVEAWAY INFORMATION and RAFFLECOPTER CODE
The author will award a $50
Amazon/BN.com gift card to one randomly chosen winner via rafflecopter during
the tour.
